Screw Willpower


I don’t eat sugar. I mean that in a period, the end, no excuses, no exceptions kind of way.

Most often, when people learn that about me, the reaction is, “Oh my God, I could never do that!” They say they don’t have the willpower to give up sugar completely.

When they tell me that I think, yeah, I bet you don’t. In fact, I’m SURE you don’t have the willpower! Weak-willed little bitch. But here’s the thing. NEITHER DO I!

I TOTALLY don’t have the willpower to just give up sugar, forever and ever, amen. That would take such a massive amount of energy to maintain the sheer force of will necessary to prevent myself from eating sugar completely day in and day out for months and months on end. I don’t have that kind of will power. And yet, that’s my reality, without any “slips” or “cheats” or anything.

So how do I do it? Well, I rely on something other than will power – I rely on motivation.

So when people tell me they don’t have the willpower, I think yeah, I bet you don’t… Neither do I… But I do think you could stop eating sugar. I think you’re wrong when you say, “I could NEVER do that.” I think you could, even though you’re right when you say you don’t have the willpower.

The reason I think they’re wrong is that proper motivation makes things completely effortless.

Maybe you’re sitting there thinking you couldn’t give sugar up either… But I promise you this – if you woke up tomorrow and had a completely lethal and untreatable allergy to sugar, sugar would never intentionally pass your lips again. It just wouldn’t.

Moreover, it wouldn’t even be a struggle. There wouldn’t even be the risk of failure. At least, not intentional failure. (When I say “intentional” failure, I don’t mean it was desired. I just mean as opposed to accidental failure – like someone switching out your salt shaker and filling it with sugar. Intentional meaning your own willful actions.)

So there is zero risk of intentional failure if you have a motivation such as “You know what? I don’t want to die today.” You’d never walk into the break room at work, and see your dream cake all sliced up for someone’s birthday and have there be any risk that in five minutes you’re going to be standing in the corner, licking frosting frantically off your fingers like, “I just couldn’t help myself!”

That’s just not a risk when it’s a life-or-death choice. When your motivation is sufficient, willpower becomes irrelevant.


(Side Note: I don’t have an allergy, lethal or otherwise, to sugar. My motivation stems from elsewhere. But that’s important to note because it demonstrates that it doesn’t have to be life-or-death-level motivation in order to be powerful enough to virtually eliminate the risk of intentional failure. My avoidance of sugar is effortless.)


Now, as you may have surmised, this conversation isn’t actually about sugar. It was a bit metaphoric.

What I’m really talking about is submission. Because what I see all the time is submissive men either telling me or other Dommes, or just sort of announcing in the general direction of another submissive who is completing a submissive act, “Oh my God, I could never do X, Y, or Z submissive thing!”

I couldn’t remain chaste for 30 days. 100 days. 200 days. Wherever their “couldn’t!” factor kicks in for a particular task.
I couldn’t kneel on rice for 5 minutes. 15 minutes. An hour.
I couldn’t sacrifice $200 in tribute. $500. $1,000.
I couldn’t try anal stretching or sounding or eating cum or pain.
I couldn’t truly, completely surrender to submission, to the will of another.

Every time I see something like that, my instant thought is, “Oh, bullshit. BULLSHIT. Of course you could.”

Because you don’t suffer from a lack of ability, you are simply trying to draw strength from the wrong place. You are searching within yourself for willpower, but you don’t need willpower. You need motivation. Also, if you’ve been tranced/trained to be drained of your willpower in specific submissive situations, you’re trying to tap a well that’s already dry, honey! It’s not going to help you anyway.

If you think about it, if you were going to DIE if you didn’t accomplish those submissive things, you would make. them. happen. Of course you would. They might be difficult to accomplish, absolutely. You might lose sleep, might have to break some rules – maybe even some laws – to get them done, but fuck yeah, you’d GET THEM DONE. You wouldn’t have to use any willpower to fight a craving not to complete them. Because every fiber of your being would be dedicated to getting them done! Because your life depends on it. That’s the power of proper motivation.

So turning to willpower within yourself during your weakest, sluttiest, most mindless and submissive moments is absolute insanity. Don’t do it.

Turn to the outside. To your Mistress. To her desires, her pleasure, her pride. That’s your motivation and that’s a million times stronger than any willpower you’ll find inside yourself. Tweak your focus on different aspects of her and her dominance, in order to find the right combination to perfect your motivation. Like I said, her desires, her pleasure, her pride in you, her intellect, her power, her voice, her beauty, her experience, her commands for you – anything and everything that inspires you and inspires your submission that comes from HER instead of willpower that comes from YOURSELF. Those are the things to focus on.

When you find the right combination, your motivation is perfected. Then the submissive acts you are endeavoring to complete for her, they might be difficult, yes… But embracing an all-encompassing desire to succeed in them will not be. There will be zero chance for intentional failure. And pursing these commands, her desires, her pleasure, these submissive acts will be completely effortless because you will have the right motivation. Not saying completing the acts will be effortless! But being 100% dedicated to doing so will be – no excuses, no exceptions.

In the end, in short, screw willpower! 🙂

5 thoughts on “Screw Willpower

  1. I’m trying not to leave comments because I can get into the awful habit of not knowing when to stop – so my will power sucks basically. But really, I think I know sound reasoning when I see it and there is a lot of truth here (I don’t just mean about pleasing a domme – this isn’t just clever marketing here… or is it LOL? No honestly, Ember knows here shit here). Forget will power – it ain’t gonna happen… while that could be seen as negative – it so isn’t – motivation is a very positive thing. If you need to do more walking for fitness for example you are much better off doing it for charity or for some other worthwhile cause or part of a social activity…even just getting a pet dog and taking it for walks will get you walking more – nevermind that walking more is better for your health. Doing things for will power is ultimately selfish and to this end will power as a driver is always going be negative ultimatley. I won’t get into life and death… I think you can see where I’m going with it… peace and erotic fulfilment – is there a hand sign like Spock uses?… come on – there must be 😀

    (I’ll f*ck off now for as long as I can)

  2. Wow, what an amazing blog post! You hit the nail on the head perfectly! You clearly are so intelligent and have incredible insight (among other obvious things)!
    I’ve practiced what You preach and it’s the truth! Thank You for You insight and Your wonderful creations!

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